Gate 12, JFK
10:38am
Everyone is so angry! And for a reason... although I personally don't feel so bad (explain why in a bit).
So, I was sitting at the gate when a line forms at the desk. People look very annoyed. I find out that the plain has been delayed until 10:45. OK. No big deal. But soon I hear 11:25 and then 12:40? Then 2:30?! This is ridiculous... So, I wait in line to complain my part. My flight at Dulles leaves at 5:10pm. I don't care, I want them to change my flight. I'm never flying United again!
It's funny how strangers bond over troublesome ordeals like plane delays. There I was, in line with a whole bunch of people-- all different ages and ethnicities -- discussing this situation. One man obviously knew how to put pressure on the system. He stood in front of the airline official (this tall black guy) asking question after question... I felt like we were holding up a fortress. Another woman and I stormed the baggage claim. She shriked at the top of her lungs, practically bringing the other woman to tears. I met a man from Dubai who offered to share his dark chocolate and treat everyone to a New Year's drink at the airport bar. I didn't tell him I was underage heh.
Funny how close we all became in a matter of seconds. But I never even learned their names.
Luck must've been on my side though because I got a direct flight to Paris on Air France! Perfect. In a way this is a blessing. Must change a few plans and taxi bookings but I'm happy. Just have to wait around the airport for a long, long time... I'm starving - Time for some food and drink!
Monday, December 31, 2007
Reflections at JFK on New Years Eve
JFK Airport
8:22 AM
New Year's Eve!
I am so sleepy; I'm falling asleep on this coffee-smelling cafe table... here, at JFK airport. It's not like I didn't have a good sleep last night but a very anxious and nervous one.
So, this is the first time I'm traveling alone by airplane. And I think I've pretty much psyched myself out in imagining all the worst possible scenarios that can happen (from missing my flight to losing all my luggage to a terrorist attack while flying into Washington).
Last night made me realize how thankful I am for my family. I thought this trip would be an independent do-it-myself kind of thing and for the most art, I kept it a secret for as long as possible from my family! Why? Probably because I knew they would never let me do it or ask me a million questions which would make me doubt this whole experience. But once I told them (and allowed them time to cool off and take me seriously), my parents and relatives have been the biggest help ever. I had visions of myself dragging my luggage through the NYC subway and getting utterly lost. But thankfully my uncle let me stay in his home in Queens and woke up at 6 this morning to drive me to the airport.
I thought this experience would be empowering (which I hope it still will be in a way) but I've discovered how much I still need to learn and rely on others. Especially friends and family. I am so thankful for my French friend, Frantz, who has been generous to me thus far in letting me stay at his place and giving me all sorts of suggestions for what to do, where to go, etc. And I am so happy how easy baggage check-in was-- I felt so terrified that something wrong would happen (technical problems and such). From all my experience as a traveler, I've learned that a lot can go wrong... Thankful once again! (Bet you're really tired of hearing me repeat this...)
I guess while I'm waiting here at the airport, I've come to realize and reflect a lot. It is New Years Eve after all. Well, I'm going to proceed to my gate now even though istill have a lot of time. Be back in a bit...
8:22 AM
New Year's Eve!
I am so sleepy; I'm falling asleep on this coffee-smelling cafe table... here, at JFK airport. It's not like I didn't have a good sleep last night but a very anxious and nervous one.
So, this is the first time I'm traveling alone by airplane. And I think I've pretty much psyched myself out in imagining all the worst possible scenarios that can happen (from missing my flight to losing all my luggage to a terrorist attack while flying into Washington).
Last night made me realize how thankful I am for my family. I thought this trip would be an independent do-it-myself kind of thing and for the most art, I kept it a secret for as long as possible from my family! Why? Probably because I knew they would never let me do it or ask me a million questions which would make me doubt this whole experience. But once I told them (and allowed them time to cool off and take me seriously), my parents and relatives have been the biggest help ever. I had visions of myself dragging my luggage through the NYC subway and getting utterly lost. But thankfully my uncle let me stay in his home in Queens and woke up at 6 this morning to drive me to the airport.
I thought this experience would be empowering (which I hope it still will be in a way) but I've discovered how much I still need to learn and rely on others. Especially friends and family. I am so thankful for my French friend, Frantz, who has been generous to me thus far in letting me stay at his place and giving me all sorts of suggestions for what to do, where to go, etc. And I am so happy how easy baggage check-in was-- I felt so terrified that something wrong would happen (technical problems and such). From all my experience as a traveler, I've learned that a lot can go wrong... Thankful once again! (Bet you're really tired of hearing me repeat this...)
I guess while I'm waiting here at the airport, I've come to realize and reflect a lot. It is New Years Eve after all. Well, I'm going to proceed to my gate now even though istill have a lot of time. Be back in a bit...
Saturday, December 29, 2007
Tons to Do
[Bretodeau, The Box Man] : Life's funny. To a kid, time always drags. Suddenly you're fifty. All that's left of your childhood... fits in a rusty little box.
Drove around SO much today... polluting the earth. I am thoroughly exhausted but packing must still go on. After breakfast tomorrow, my family is driving down to Queens to visit family for a pre-New Years dinner thing. And then the next day, I must wake up very early for my JFK flight to D.C. and then wait around for five hours to take my connecting flight to Paris. Tons to do... thoroughly exhausted...
Drove around SO much today... polluting the earth. I am thoroughly exhausted but packing must still go on. After breakfast tomorrow, my family is driving down to Queens to visit family for a pre-New Years dinner thing. And then the next day, I must wake up very early for my JFK flight to D.C. and then wait around for five hours to take my connecting flight to Paris. Tons to do... thoroughly exhausted...
Friday, December 28, 2007
Because I Felt Alive
[Translated from French]. "And then something happened, something that is hard to describe. Sitting there, alone in a foreign country, far away from my job and all the people I knew, a feeling came over me. As if I recalled something, something that I had never known and for which I had been waiting, But I didn't know what it was. Maybe it was something I had forgotten. Or something I had missed my whole life. I can only tell you that at the same time I felt joy and sadness. But not a great sadness. Because I felt alive. Yes. Alive. That was the moment when I fell in love with Paris and the moment I felt that Paris had fallen in love with me."
I apologize if all my blog entries from now address only one topic: Paris! I am getting so anxious with planning. A lot of planning must get done before I leave in a few days. [A lot of packing, too]. And a whole lot of research!
I didn't realize that so many considerations go into a trip. Where can I exchange money? Does my ATM card charge a fee/interest? Should I exchange money now? Transportation from the airport to central Europe? Will my friend leave me a spare key to the apartment? Is the 15th district part of Montparnasse? SHIT, I don't know all the districts and their corresponding numbers. OH BURSAR BILLS (scribbling down reminders). Will my cell phone work there? Should I bring my phone and buy a sim card? Or get a cell phone there? Where can I get one? How much? Note to self: remember to bring adapters. Very important.
So much to figure out. I am going a bit insane. But you know what... it's all very interesting and kind of fun... in a way? Cause I'm getting excited!
Oh, also: It's my sister's birthday today...
Happy 17th Birthday, Rosa!
I apologize if all my blog entries from now address only one topic: Paris! I am getting so anxious with planning. A lot of planning must get done before I leave in a few days. [A lot of packing, too]. And a whole lot of research!
I didn't realize that so many considerations go into a trip. Where can I exchange money? Does my ATM card charge a fee/interest? Should I exchange money now? Transportation from the airport to central Europe? Will my friend leave me a spare key to the apartment? Is the 15th district part of Montparnasse? SHIT, I don't know all the districts and their corresponding numbers. OH BURSAR BILLS (scribbling down reminders). Will my cell phone work there? Should I bring my phone and buy a sim card? Or get a cell phone there? Where can I get one? How much? Note to self: remember to bring adapters. Very important.
So much to figure out. I am going a bit insane. But you know what... it's all very interesting and kind of fun... in a way? Cause I'm getting excited!
Oh, also: It's my sister's birthday today...
Happy 17th Birthday, Rosa!
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Lounging Around in PJs
Needless to say, my early articles were shocking. I blew more interviews with famous musicians than I care to remember, and I learned the dos and don't of interviewing the hard way:
ME (FIRST QUESTION) : So Elvis, what do you hate most about journalists?
ELVIS COSTELLO : Fuckin' stupid questions like that, for starters.
Totally wasted the day.
It's nice sleeping in but it feels plain lazy to wake up around 2pm and feel like the whole day is gone. Just sat around, eating my scrambled eggs and bagel w/ cream cheese... watching Dr. Phil and Oprah. Really interesting show today... might wanna check it out here. I'm kind of glad I caught it because it cleared up a lot of questions I had before... starting to lean more on the "society and humanitarian" side of my education.
Should go do something productive now...
ME (FIRST QUESTION) : So Elvis, what do you hate most about journalists?
ELVIS COSTELLO : Fuckin' stupid questions like that, for starters.
Totally wasted the day.
It's nice sleeping in but it feels plain lazy to wake up around 2pm and feel like the whole day is gone. Just sat around, eating my scrambled eggs and bagel w/ cream cheese... watching Dr. Phil and Oprah. Really interesting show today... might wanna check it out here. I'm kind of glad I caught it because it cleared up a lot of questions I had before... starting to lean more on the "society and humanitarian" side of my education.
Should go do something productive now...
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Guitar Hero and My New Holga
"But don't you find it boring to wear only two colors.?"
"Not at all. I find it liberating. I believe my life has value, and I don't want to waste it thinking about clothing... I don't want to think about what I will wear in the morning. Truly, can you imagine anything more boring than fashion? Professional sports, perhaps. Grown men swatting little balls, while the rest of the world pays money to applaud. But, on the whole, I find fashion even more tedious than sports."
"Dr. Malcolm," Hammond explained, "is a man of strong opinions."
"And mad as a hatter," Malcolm said cheerfully. "But you must admit, these are nontrivial issues. We live in a world of frightful givens. It is given that you will behave like this, given that you will care about that. No one thinks about the givens. Isn't it amazing? In the information society, nobody thinks. We expected to banish paper, but we actually banished thought."
Guitar Hero is slowly taking over the world. I still don't understand what's so fun about it? You're not even playing an actual guitar. You're just pressing color-coded buttons while demented cartoon figures sway on the screen. To be honest, I feel nauseous when I see it.
[Rock Band is a different story however.]
Moving on, I went to the mall today and didn't expect there would be so many people there. UGH. I hate the traffic jams and all the buying and buying and buying... and I especially do not appreciate all the little kids who try to hit on you [yeah, little kids!]
I was going to buy a bunch of dresses and shoes... that is, until I saw the lines! No way... so, I figured I would get some film for a camera my photographer friend bought me for Christmas: my new Holga!
At first I thought it was toy, but it's seriously awesome. I went to the camera shop but they thought it was a toy, too. Finally, one of the... ahem younger... sales person told me where I could get the 120 film (which they do not carry anywhere!) at this artsy place in the plaza near Marshalls. With nothing better to do, I headed over there and purchased two rolls of color film and had them show me how to load it and whatever.
Can't wait to try it out! These cameras are supposed to give you some really spontaneous pics with different sorts of effects. Some examples:
"Not at all. I find it liberating. I believe my life has value, and I don't want to waste it thinking about clothing... I don't want to think about what I will wear in the morning. Truly, can you imagine anything more boring than fashion? Professional sports, perhaps. Grown men swatting little balls, while the rest of the world pays money to applaud. But, on the whole, I find fashion even more tedious than sports."
"Dr. Malcolm," Hammond explained, "is a man of strong opinions."
"And mad as a hatter," Malcolm said cheerfully. "But you must admit, these are nontrivial issues. We live in a world of frightful givens. It is given that you will behave like this, given that you will care about that. No one thinks about the givens. Isn't it amazing? In the information society, nobody thinks. We expected to banish paper, but we actually banished thought."
Guitar Hero is slowly taking over the world. I still don't understand what's so fun about it? You're not even playing an actual guitar. You're just pressing color-coded buttons while demented cartoon figures sway on the screen. To be honest, I feel nauseous when I see it.
[Rock Band is a different story however.]
Moving on, I went to the mall today and didn't expect there would be so many people there. UGH. I hate the traffic jams and all the buying and buying and buying... and I especially do not appreciate all the little kids who try to hit on you [yeah, little kids!]
I was going to buy a bunch of dresses and shoes... that is, until I saw the lines! No way... so, I figured I would get some film for a camera my photographer friend bought me for Christmas: my new Holga!
At first I thought it was toy, but it's seriously awesome. I went to the camera shop but they thought it was a toy, too. Finally, one of the... ahem younger... sales person told me where I could get the 120 film (which they do not carry anywhere!) at this artsy place in the plaza near Marshalls. With nothing better to do, I headed over there and purchased two rolls of color film and had them show me how to load it and whatever.
Can't wait to try it out! These cameras are supposed to give you some really spontaneous pics with different sorts of effects. Some examples:
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Like Christmas Morning
La luce che tu hai
I pray we'll find your light
nel cuore resterà
and hold it in our hearts.
a ricordarci che
When stars go out each night,
eterna stella sei
you are eternal star
Nella mia preghiera
Let this be our prayer
quanta fede c'è
when shadows fill our day
Sognamo un mondo senza più violenza
un mondo di giustizia e di speranza
Ognuno dia la mano al suo vicino
Simbolo di pace, di fraternità
We dream a world without violence
a world of justice and faith.
Everyone gives the hand to his neighbours
Symbol of peace, of fraternity
La forza che ci dà
We ask that life be kind
è il desiderio che
and watch us from above
ognuno trovi amor
We hope each soul will find
intorno e dentro sé
another soul to love
Let this be our prayer
Let this be our prayer, just like every child
È la fede che
hai acceso in noi,
sento che ci salverà
It's the faith
you light in us
I feel it will save us
There's something about Christmas morning that is just so old-fashioned and classically romantic. I got woken up this morning by my sister dragging all my blankets off of me.
I guess the grumpy and stressed mood evaporated over night and people finally cheered up in time for the special day! What a relief...
We opened presents and I ate my bagel with cream cheese and smoked salmon [and a little red wine teehee]. Everyone already ate before me cuz I'm such a lazy bum and didn't wake up early enough. Here are the presents I got for my family:
Some M.A.C. make-up and brushes for my sister.
Merlot Waterford glasses for my father.
A Coach wristlet for my mother - the inside is really pretty: all striped colors.
As for myself, I got some money for Europe, ipod speakers from my sister, and a purse! Very happy - I also got a phone call from my father's French friend living in Paris, which made me feel so much better about traveling there.
So later on, we are all going to the movies and dinner out. Last night, we went to Artist's Palate on Main street (highly recommend it for design sensitive diners - it's a beautiful & classy restaurant... Get the veal and Warhol salad. My family didn't like it that much though... like I said, design-sensitive diners!).
Okay, signing off. God bless and...
Merry Christmas!
I pray we'll find your light
nel cuore resterà
and hold it in our hearts.
a ricordarci che
When stars go out each night,
eterna stella sei
you are eternal star
Nella mia preghiera
Let this be our prayer
quanta fede c'è
when shadows fill our day
Sognamo un mondo senza più violenza
un mondo di giustizia e di speranza
Ognuno dia la mano al suo vicino
Simbolo di pace, di fraternità
We dream a world without violence
a world of justice and faith.
Everyone gives the hand to his neighbours
Symbol of peace, of fraternity
La forza che ci dà
We ask that life be kind
è il desiderio che
and watch us from above
ognuno trovi amor
We hope each soul will find
intorno e dentro sé
another soul to love
Let this be our prayer
Let this be our prayer, just like every child
È la fede che
hai acceso in noi,
sento che ci salverà
It's the faith
you light in us
I feel it will save us
There's something about Christmas morning that is just so old-fashioned and classically romantic. I got woken up this morning by my sister dragging all my blankets off of me.
I guess the grumpy and stressed mood evaporated over night and people finally cheered up in time for the special day! What a relief...
We opened presents and I ate my bagel with cream cheese and smoked salmon [and a little red wine teehee]. Everyone already ate before me cuz I'm such a lazy bum and didn't wake up early enough. Here are the presents I got for my family:
Some M.A.C. make-up and brushes for my sister.
Merlot Waterford glasses for my father.
A Coach wristlet for my mother - the inside is really pretty: all striped colors.
As for myself, I got some money for Europe, ipod speakers from my sister, and a purse! Very happy - I also got a phone call from my father's French friend living in Paris, which made me feel so much better about traveling there.
So later on, we are all going to the movies and dinner out. Last night, we went to Artist's Palate on Main street (highly recommend it for design sensitive diners - it's a beautiful & classy restaurant... Get the veal and Warhol salad. My family didn't like it that much though... like I said, design-sensitive diners!).
Okay, signing off. God bless and...
Merry Christmas!
Monday, December 24, 2007
Adolescent or Emerging Adult?
Cornell: The Year in Photos 2007
Merry Christmas eve! To be honest, it kinda feels like every other day - I have to keep reminding myself that Christmas is seriously here... again. What happened to all the hype and Christmas countdowns? I hate that I don't feel as excited as I used to [when I was little]. Makes me feel so old and like a grumpy grown-up.
I hate that grown-ups keep telling me that I'm an adult now so I'm expected to act responsibly and properly. And in the next breath, they tell me that I'm only soooo young and just a child. - only freaking eighteen years old and that I don't know anything. Would you please make up your grown-up, sensible, MINDS?
And grown-ups wonder why adolescents / emerging adults go through such storm-and-stress during this period in life?
Well, all is not lost. Tomorrow is Christmas and I don't really care whether I'm supposed to be an adult and approach it with a oh... Merry Christmas attitude or just prance around merrily like you're supposed to... I think we all need to be kids again... at least on Christmas. We are celebrating Jesus... as a baby - not an adult.
So Merry Christmas eve anyways. I think what I'm trying to get at is... remember the underlying meaning. Christmas... Christ, a belief and philosophy. Screw commercialism and consumerism.
I think my family is going out for dinner tonight and then 11pm church service. Time to get readyy!
Cheers,
Chrysan
Merry Christmas eve! To be honest, it kinda feels like every other day - I have to keep reminding myself that Christmas is seriously here... again. What happened to all the hype and Christmas countdowns? I hate that I don't feel as excited as I used to [when I was little]. Makes me feel so old and like a grumpy grown-up.
I hate that grown-ups keep telling me that I'm an adult now so I'm expected to act responsibly and properly. And in the next breath, they tell me that I'm only soooo young and just a child. - only freaking eighteen years old and that I don't know anything. Would you please make up your grown-up, sensible, MINDS?
And grown-ups wonder why adolescents / emerging adults go through such storm-and-stress during this period in life?
Well, all is not lost. Tomorrow is Christmas and I don't really care whether I'm supposed to be an adult and approach it with a oh... Merry Christmas attitude or just prance around merrily like you're supposed to... I think we all need to be kids again... at least on Christmas. We are celebrating Jesus... as a baby - not an adult.
So Merry Christmas eve anyways. I think what I'm trying to get at is... remember the underlying meaning. Christmas... Christ, a belief and philosophy. Screw commercialism and consumerism.
I think my family is going out for dinner tonight and then 11pm church service. Time to get readyy!
Cheers,
Chrysan
Sunday, December 23, 2007
Movie Critic Vocabulary
"A lot of people, especially this one psychoanalyst guy they have here, keeps asking me if I'm going to apply myself when I go back to school next September. It's such a stupid question, in my opinion. I mean how do you know what you're going to do till you do it? The answer is, you don't. I think I am, but how do I know? I swear it's a stupid question... I didn't know what the hell to say. If you want the truth, I don't know what I think about it. I'm sorry I told so many people about it. About all I know is, I sort of miss everybody I told about.... It's funny. Don't ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody."
I went to my doctor's appointment two days ago and they gave me 3 shots: two in my left arm and one in my right. Well, my right arm is fine as normal but my left... it feels so sore and like, beat up. It was especially killing me last night, playing Christmas carols on the piano at the Pinna's household (a gig that I covered for a friend).
Today, church and lunch with Rosa. I was thinking about checking out a movie tonight... I'm usually not a movie person... but recently I've really felt like watching one in a real theater for change...
Anyway, enough of being a movie critic wannabe. I'm gonna get some work done now... much cleaning and planning and getting excited for Christmas to do!
I went to my doctor's appointment two days ago and they gave me 3 shots: two in my left arm and one in my right. Well, my right arm is fine as normal but my left... it feels so sore and like, beat up. It was especially killing me last night, playing Christmas carols on the piano at the Pinna's household (a gig that I covered for a friend).
Today, church and lunch with Rosa. I was thinking about checking out a movie tonight... I'm usually not a movie person... but recently I've really felt like watching one in a real theater for change...
- I wonder if I am Legend is as cracked up as it's supposed to be.
- I wonder when Helena Bonham Carter will ever stop portraying scary women in corsets and frazzled hair like in Harry Potter, Fight Club... and now Sweeney Todd. Okay, one time I saw her in this victorian romance type of film and it was just so unsettling to see her actually happy and rosy that I was just like... No.
- I wonder if Juno had any influence on Jamie Lynn Spear's announcement.
- I wonder if I should read the book before seeing The Golden Compass (probably). Cause the movie will (most likely) screw up the book.
- I wonder if Enchanted will be dumb or not.
Anyway, enough of being a movie critic wannabe. I'm gonna get some work done now... much cleaning and planning and getting excited for Christmas to do!
Friday, December 21, 2007
Dreaming of Paris
From my latest obsession, a book that I dug out from the "Bargain, 50% off, moving address" pile [Bookmark Now]:
"That's how the story always goes, right? It begins with unemployment. A string of bad luck drives pen to paper, he churns out a few stories, blah, blah, blah... nobody thought it would sell... blah, blah... Harry Potter."
"But I didn't want to be a writer; I wanted to be a doctor. Or a lawyer. Something smart that required a Harvard Education. Meanwhile, I was writing constantly."
"How could I consider myself a real writer when I was sometimes paid in candy bars and glitter make-up? I may have built a T-shirt-buying, Internet-ad-clicking, Web-savvy audience with my bare HTML-novice hands, but I wasn't a real writer."
Lately, I've been thinking about my senior year and how completely devoted I was to my high school newspaper. Everything from designing, to pulling my hair out about finances and administration/authority figure battles, and the actual writing and assembling of articles to produce this real... document -- liked it all. In love with it...
I was looking at this year's High school newspaper. My sister had a bunch of extra copies and I totally ripped it from her hands and felt instantly transported back to that time in my life. It was a time when I stayed after school for hours, agonizing over the width and length of each line and making sure all the fonts and font-sizes were in order.
And since then, I don't know what happened with my writing. I could say it's been a love/hate relationship. Sometimes, I'll be like... WOW BRILLIANT IDEA. MUST WRITE. Suddenly, I transform into one of those coffee-drinking, cigarette-snubbing columnists crouched over an old Mac laptop (Albeit the smoking and Mac-owning).
Then other times I'm simply like: "I suck. I have no original ideas. I'm a wannabe. Better stick to this pre-med track. Or I will have no purpose in life."
But I always go back to my ex-lover (writing, that is). It's usually when I'm traveling in a foreign country and I have nothing else to do but scribble. I wrote my college essay about writing and this love/hate relationship. It's weird thinking that it was just a year ago that I was doing all this crap. Now, what? What am I doing now...
Definitely not writing. Except for some really bored and completely not there blog entries... OK, I admit. I'm not exactly doing my best. I'm not exactly even sure of what I'm getting at here... but I know that I keep trying to get at why I've been doing some absolutely crazy things lately. Which include randomly buying a plane ticket out of this country... all alone. Yep, by myself. Totally alone.
Maybe, I can pretend I'm on this spiritual "finding myself" type of journey. In my mind, I'm getting on this airplane, New Year's Eve, and something happens while I'm in the air. Maybe, I'll find out that I'm sitting next to some really important, intellectual person and we'll toast to a New Year and share turning-point experiences. And that'll mark this whole new life-changing experience and an amazing year of growing into my destiny. I'll get off the plane and immediately find a stereotypical Parisian cafe and start writing an amazing short story or poem a la Ernest Hemmingway (Oh, and um... just kidding about the poetry. Muahaha)
Then, Paris will open her arms out to me and I'll be like Wheee C'est La vie! Paris, Je T'adore!!!!! Oui, oui, oui!! Oh la la!!!!!! And throw off my black beret (dunno where that came from) and run into the streets singing something from Sound of Music. And there will be baguettes. Tons of them.. Just around.. chilling.
So, yeah. That's what I'm picturing in my mind. Some kind of romantic nonsense baloney like that.
But we all know that nonsense is just NONSENSE (if not baloney) and that will most likely never happen. So what the hell WILL happen? Got no clues...
Except I think it's time for me to start writing more, which is why it's the only resolution on my list... well, maybe dropping a few pounds wouldn't hurt either.
"That's how the story always goes, right? It begins with unemployment. A string of bad luck drives pen to paper, he churns out a few stories, blah, blah, blah... nobody thought it would sell... blah, blah... Harry Potter."
"But I didn't want to be a writer; I wanted to be a doctor. Or a lawyer. Something smart that required a Harvard Education. Meanwhile, I was writing constantly."
"How could I consider myself a real writer when I was sometimes paid in candy bars and glitter make-up? I may have built a T-shirt-buying, Internet-ad-clicking, Web-savvy audience with my bare HTML-novice hands, but I wasn't a real writer."
Lately, I've been thinking about my senior year and how completely devoted I was to my high school newspaper. Everything from designing, to pulling my hair out about finances and administration/authority figure battles, and the actual writing and assembling of articles to produce this real... document -- liked it all. In love with it...
I was looking at this year's High school newspaper. My sister had a bunch of extra copies and I totally ripped it from her hands and felt instantly transported back to that time in my life. It was a time when I stayed after school for hours, agonizing over the width and length of each line and making sure all the fonts and font-sizes were in order.
And since then, I don't know what happened with my writing. I could say it's been a love/hate relationship. Sometimes, I'll be like... WOW BRILLIANT IDEA. MUST WRITE. Suddenly, I transform into one of those coffee-drinking, cigarette-snubbing columnists crouched over an old Mac laptop (Albeit the smoking and Mac-owning).
Then other times I'm simply like: "I suck. I have no original ideas. I'm a wannabe. Better stick to this pre-med track. Or I will have no purpose in life."
But I always go back to my ex-lover (writing, that is). It's usually when I'm traveling in a foreign country and I have nothing else to do but scribble. I wrote my college essay about writing and this love/hate relationship. It's weird thinking that it was just a year ago that I was doing all this crap. Now, what? What am I doing now...
Definitely not writing. Except for some really bored and completely not there blog entries... OK, I admit. I'm not exactly doing my best. I'm not exactly even sure of what I'm getting at here... but I know that I keep trying to get at why I've been doing some absolutely crazy things lately. Which include randomly buying a plane ticket out of this country... all alone. Yep, by myself. Totally alone.
Maybe, I can pretend I'm on this spiritual "finding myself" type of journey. In my mind, I'm getting on this airplane, New Year's Eve, and something happens while I'm in the air. Maybe, I'll find out that I'm sitting next to some really important, intellectual person and we'll toast to a New Year and share turning-point experiences. And that'll mark this whole new life-changing experience and an amazing year of growing into my destiny. I'll get off the plane and immediately find a stereotypical Parisian cafe and start writing an amazing short story or poem a la Ernest Hemmingway (Oh, and um... just kidding about the poetry. Muahaha)
Then, Paris will open her arms out to me and I'll be like Wheee C'est La vie! Paris, Je T'adore!!!!! Oui, oui, oui!! Oh la la!!!!!! And throw off my black beret (dunno where that came from) and run into the streets singing something from Sound of Music. And there will be baguettes. Tons of them.. Just around.. chilling.
So, yeah. That's what I'm picturing in my mind. Some kind of romantic nonsense baloney like that.
But we all know that nonsense is just NONSENSE (if not baloney) and that will most likely never happen. So what the hell WILL happen? Got no clues...
Except I think it's time for me to start writing more, which is why it's the only resolution on my list... well, maybe dropping a few pounds wouldn't hurt either.
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Back to My Roots
So, I've been home since Saturday and here's what I've been up to:
-Hung out with my high school friends
-Revived the late night Dunkin Donuts ritual
-Visited a Cornell friend in the city
-Went crazy with a subway day pass (Chinatown, Soho, Morningside Heights, Rockefeller, Flushing, Times Square... the works)
-FINISHED ALL XMAS SHOPPING INCLUDING WRAPPING < seriously a miracle and contradicting all the last-minute-mantras that I represent
-Found out about Cornell ED results
-Saw my high school teachers and felt really really strange. It was like time travel... except not really.
-Vowed to write more in the New Years
-Started to feel extremely scared about traveling to Paris this winter
-Found out that people still read this thing and did some blog cleaning
-Wondered about life
My Countdowns:
5 days until Christmas
11 days until Paris
12 days until 2008
26 days until return to Ithaca and Greek Rush week
33 days until Spring semester
-Hung out with my high school friends
-Revived the late night Dunkin Donuts ritual
-Visited a Cornell friend in the city
-Went crazy with a subway day pass (Chinatown, Soho, Morningside Heights, Rockefeller, Flushing, Times Square... the works)
-FINISHED ALL XMAS SHOPPING INCLUDING WRAPPING < seriously a miracle and contradicting all the last-minute-mantras that I represent
-Found out about Cornell ED results
-Saw my high school teachers and felt really really strange. It was like time travel... except not really.
-Vowed to write more in the New Years
-Started to feel extremely scared about traveling to Paris this winter
-Found out that people still read this thing and did some blog cleaning
-Wondered about life
My Countdowns:
5 days until Christmas
11 days until Paris
12 days until 2008
26 days until return to Ithaca and Greek Rush week
33 days until Spring semester
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Substance in Vogue
Last final tomorrow. And I can hardly concentrate. It seems as though the more empty and quiet this place becomes, the more distracted I become.
Biggest distractions: food, reading up on Paris, reading mags, sleeping, staring and thinking.
I read this really interesting article in vogue the other day. I never realized how much substance and decent writing fashion magazines actually contain. The article was written memoir-style by a Mormon fashion and society editor. I didn’t expect to get so engaged in this story but I did. I think mostly because I finally received affirmation (think sigh-of-relief) that I needed to… be selfish… and feel OK that I love finer things… and art… AND I didn’t have to be a doctor saving lives firsthand in order to have a meaningful existence in this world.
Pheuf. I feel like I finally stumbled on what’s been worrying me the most while I’m searching for what to do with myself. I’m just afraid of being utterly useless… and a traitor, a disappointment to my beliefs, and the people who I love and care about. You don’t realize how much pressure you’ve been under until it’s finally been lifted.
Can I still do what I love and not get sucked into this kind of superficial living?
In the end, everyone is play-acting whether I work in international politics, medicine, or Art. I guess my biggest worry after all was living a double life, which I find myself doing a lot these days.
But maybe I can be a part of two things and still find meaning enough to be true to certain morals. Is it possible??? What a dilemma…
These are the kinds of things I should not be worrying about during my last final. I just can’t tear myself away form this idea… thinking about it is as addicting as… chocolate cake, turkey sandwiches, and cappuccino at ungodly hours of the day.
Monday, December 3, 2007
Lockdown
Classes are over! :)
Finals week has begun... :(
And winter is here full blast. It's been snowing daily here. The paths are very icy so everyone has pretty much been sticking to the dorms for studying... munching on junk, getting distracted by the internet no doubt...
I think I must've worn at least 5 layers of clothing today. And eaten too many pretzels. As for studying? Depressing and dreary as always.
Waiting for some inspiration to strike...
Finals week has begun... :(
And winter is here full blast. It's been snowing daily here. The paths are very icy so everyone has pretty much been sticking to the dorms for studying... munching on junk, getting distracted by the internet no doubt...
I think I must've worn at least 5 layers of clothing today. And eaten too many pretzels. As for studying? Depressing and dreary as always.
Waiting for some inspiration to strike...
Friday, November 23, 2007
Thanksgiving and Black Friday
What a lazy, stress-free Thanksgiving! I'm stuffed and feeling very unproductive. Perfect. Today I:
-shopped
-finally got a hair cut
-reconnected w/ old friends
-watched too much Desperate Housewives and The Hills
-had a deep talk w/ my dad about *the future*
** signs to emphasize the spookiness and mysteriousness of it all.
Happy Thanksgiving! Still have a few days left to kill : )
-shopped
-finally got a hair cut
-reconnected w/ old friends
-watched too much Desperate Housewives and The Hills
-had a deep talk w/ my dad about *the future*
** signs to emphasize the spookiness and mysteriousness of it all.
Happy Thanksgiving! Still have a few days left to kill : )
Monday, November 12, 2007
Next Course Enroll... Already??
Woke up at 6:30am for another course enroll for next semester's classes. Ohh goodness
Friday, November 9, 2007
Sick and Happy
I am so happy! I am done with exams... at least until finals! Yesterday was hell. I won't lie. But I felt that luck was on my side.
Little things make me feel loved. I just want to say thank you to...
1. Everyone who took the time to wish me good luck on my exams (and actually remembered)
2. The Stats lab professor for canceling class
3. Nice people who drive me to the middle-of-nowhere
4. The Anonymous artist who drew on my whiteboard.... I still cannot figure out who it is (very puzzling)
Unfortunately, I got a really bad sore throat right after my exams. And I took this medication called theraflu which knocked me out cold for the night.
I have a REALLY bad sore throat .
I've been taking lots of vitamin C and drinking soup and tea and hot chocolate and coffee and... eating noodles! I made lime, honey, and tea... miracle drink which my mother always made for me when I was sick.
I have to recover fast because tomorrow I will be on a road trip to... Montreal, Canada! Details to follow! I'll make sure to write a novel. I'm getting traveler's excitement once again :)
Until then, I have to get some warmer clothes especially for Canada. My winter boots came in the mail today. But i still need a jacket. I can feel the snow coming. Crisp musky air right before snow fall. Feels... new.
Little things make me feel loved. I just want to say thank you to...
1. Everyone who took the time to wish me good luck on my exams (and actually remembered)
2. The Stats lab professor for canceling class
3. Nice people who drive me to the middle-of-nowhere
4. The Anonymous artist who drew on my whiteboard.... I still cannot figure out who it is (very puzzling)
Unfortunately, I got a really bad sore throat right after my exams. And I took this medication called theraflu which knocked me out cold for the night.
I have a REALLY bad sore throat .
I've been taking lots of vitamin C and drinking soup and tea and hot chocolate and coffee and... eating noodles! I made lime, honey, and tea... miracle drink which my mother always made for me when I was sick.
I have to recover fast because tomorrow I will be on a road trip to... Montreal, Canada! Details to follow! I'll make sure to write a novel. I'm getting traveler's excitement once again :)
Until then, I have to get some warmer clothes especially for Canada. My winter boots came in the mail today. But i still need a jacket. I can feel the snow coming. Crisp musky air right before snow fall. Feels... new.
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Screwed
Tomorrow, I am skipping classes ... to study.
Cramming like none other... I am scared of Thursday...
I cannot stop talking about academics... what has this place done to me?? What happened to the good old days when staying up until 2am was late? What happened to getting good grades and... chilling (without feeling guilty, lazy, and unproductive)?
Why am I always asking so many questions??
Cramming like none other... I am scared of Thursday...
I cannot stop talking about academics... what has this place done to me?? What happened to the good old days when staying up until 2am was late? What happened to getting good grades and... chilling (without feeling guilty, lazy, and unproductive)?
Why am I always asking so many questions??
Sunday, November 4, 2007
Human Development Notes
"Cultural Variations in Personal Storytelling: Implications for Early Self-Concept"
Berk, "Infants, Children, and Adolescents"
In one study, researchers spent hundreds of hours over a two-year period studying the storytelling practices of six middle-SES Irish-American families in Chicago and six middle-SES Chinese families in Taiwan.
Parents in both cultures discussed pleasurable holidays and family excursions in similar ways with similar frequencies.
1. But Chinese parents more often told long stories about the child's misdeeds. These narratives were conveyed with warmth and caring, stressed the impact of misbehavior on others ("You made Mama lose face") and often ended with direct teaching of proper behavior.
2. In the few instances in which Irish-American stories referred to transgressions, parents downplayed their seriousness, attributing them to the child's spunk and assertiveness.
Early narratives about the child seem to launch preschoolers' self-concepts on culturally distinct paths.
1. Influenced by Confucian traditions of strict discipline and social obligations, Chinese parents integrated these values into their personal stories (Importance of not disgracing the family)
2. Although Irish-American parents disciplined their children, they rarely dwelt on misdeeds in storytelling. Rather, they cast the child's shortcomings in a positive light, perhaps to promote self-esteem.
Self-Esteem
1. Most North Americans believe that self-esteem is crucial for healthy development.
2. Chinese adults generally regard it as unimportant or even negative - as impeding the child's willingness to listen and to be corrected (Miller et al., 2002).
3. Chinese parents did little to cultivate their child's individuality (guided toward socially responsible behavior). Hence, by the end of the preschool years, the Chinese child's self-image emphasizes membership in the colelctive and obligations to others ("I belong to the Lee family"; "I like to help my mom wash dishes")
4. North American child's is more autonomous, consisting largely of personal descriptions ("I do lots of puzzles" "I like hockey") (Wang, 2004)
Conclusion:
So, I guess my question is... what happens when a Chinese family is brought to North America?
Answer: Interesting drama and increase in adolescent rebelliousness and identity conflict
Berk, "Infants, Children, and Adolescents"
In one study, researchers spent hundreds of hours over a two-year period studying the storytelling practices of six middle-SES Irish-American families in Chicago and six middle-SES Chinese families in Taiwan.
Parents in both cultures discussed pleasurable holidays and family excursions in similar ways with similar frequencies.
1. But Chinese parents more often told long stories about the child's misdeeds. These narratives were conveyed with warmth and caring, stressed the impact of misbehavior on others ("You made Mama lose face") and often ended with direct teaching of proper behavior.
2. In the few instances in which Irish-American stories referred to transgressions, parents downplayed their seriousness, attributing them to the child's spunk and assertiveness.
Early narratives about the child seem to launch preschoolers' self-concepts on culturally distinct paths.
1. Influenced by Confucian traditions of strict discipline and social obligations, Chinese parents integrated these values into their personal stories (Importance of not disgracing the family)
2. Although Irish-American parents disciplined their children, they rarely dwelt on misdeeds in storytelling. Rather, they cast the child's shortcomings in a positive light, perhaps to promote self-esteem.
Self-Esteem
1. Most North Americans believe that self-esteem is crucial for healthy development.
2. Chinese adults generally regard it as unimportant or even negative - as impeding the child's willingness to listen and to be corrected (Miller et al., 2002).
3. Chinese parents did little to cultivate their child's individuality (guided toward socially responsible behavior). Hence, by the end of the preschool years, the Chinese child's self-image emphasizes membership in the colelctive and obligations to others ("I belong to the Lee family"; "I like to help my mom wash dishes")
4. North American child's is more autonomous, consisting largely of personal descriptions ("I do lots of puzzles" "I like hockey") (Wang, 2004)
Conclusion:
So, I guess my question is... what happens when a Chinese family is brought to North America?
Answer: Interesting drama and increase in adolescent rebelliousness and identity conflict
Saturday, November 3, 2007
The Adventures of Chrysan: From Ithaca to the Big Apple and back again... in 24 hours
- Didn't sleep at all Friday night
- Caught the 4am bus to nyc to see the UN
- UN for the day : weirdest thing - the tour guide was a Malaysian with the same last name as me!
- And then running around the city in business attire and heels
- Purchases: cafe au lait from coffee shop, apple cider from market, Malaysian flag and UN glass
- I SWEAR I saw Lily Allen at the subway station... or her identical twin.
- Unfortunately, I was with all guys who did not know who Lily Allen is and did not understand my excitement.
- French restaurant for dinner (grilled salmon)
- Back at Cornell around 1am
- Chores schmores
- Amazing acapella concert by Last Call
- Late night out
- Sunday Brunch
- Hitting up the libraries...
Writing... fyi: it's national novel-writing month!
New obsession: Boats & Birds, Gregory and the Hawk
End Scene: [Weekend in Retrospect]
Friday, November 2, 2007
Forever John 3:16?
I was cleaning my room and found some old plastic bags from shopping. Usually I toss them but this time, I decided to fold the bag - one from a favorite store, Forever 21. I noticed that at the very bottom of the bag (in the folds) was plainly written: John 3:16.
"Someone designing for Forever 21 is a Christian..." I noted. But no one understood until I finally explained. John 3:16 is a verse in the Bible.
16"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only begotten Son,[a] that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."
Funny how He reminds us in little, unexpected ways...
16"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only begotten Son,[a] that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."
Funny how He reminds us in little, unexpected ways...
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Metamorphosis
New beginnings, awakenings, forks in the road, turning a new leaf, eye in the storm, light at the end of a tunnel, enlightenment, rebirth, fresh, new, metamorphosis.
Chrysanthemum Jewel-tsung Tung
Chrysanthemum Paradox:
Symbolizes prosperity, longevity, truth, quiet and retire, nobility in the Far East
Symbolizes death, funerals in the West
Jewel-tsung: Literally, "Chrysanthemum - Genuine/Real"
Tung: Understanding
Chrysanthemum Jewel-tsung Tung
Chrysanthemum Paradox:
Symbolizes prosperity, longevity, truth, quiet and retire, nobility in the Far East
Symbolizes death, funerals in the West
Jewel-tsung: Literally, "Chrysanthemum - Genuine/Real"
Tung: Understanding
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Starving Artists
Took my first art prelim today... I was doing so well. When the slideshow began, I was like
BAM. That's Cezanne. BAM. Matisse. Monet. Mondrian. Caldor. Picasso. Manet. Gaugin. Van Gogh. De Kooning. Pollack. That's watercolor. Oil paints. Secco Fresco. True Fresco. Egg tempera. Encaustic. BAM. BAM. BAM.
But then a slide of pottery came up. And then wood. And a piece of cloth.
And I was like what the-????
And it occurred to me.. I COMPLETELY FORGOT TO STUDY METALS, CERAMICS, WOOD, AND TEXTILES.
I can never win. Ugh. Story of my life...
BAM. That's Cezanne. BAM. Matisse. Monet. Mondrian. Caldor. Picasso. Manet. Gaugin. Van Gogh. De Kooning. Pollack. That's watercolor. Oil paints. Secco Fresco. True Fresco. Egg tempera. Encaustic. BAM. BAM. BAM.
But then a slide of pottery came up. And then wood. And a piece of cloth.
And I was like what the-????
And it occurred to me.. I COMPLETELY FORGOT TO STUDY METALS, CERAMICS, WOOD, AND TEXTILES.
I can never win. Ugh. Story of my life...
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Focus, focus, focus....
I will not:
-waste time
-eat everything in sight
-be lazier than a rock
-get bad grades
-cry, whine, and complain about school
-cry, whine, and complain about people
-be fake
I will:
-time manage, but be spontaneous
-try my best, but take it easy
-suck it up, but vent (occasionally)
-think positive, but realistic
-make time for creativity
-work hard but enjoy life
-balance, balance, balance
-believe in second chances
-trust
"Pray for the dead but fight like hell for the living."
-Mother Jones
-waste time
-eat everything in sight
-be lazier than a rock
-get bad grades
-cry, whine, and complain about school
-cry, whine, and complain about people
-be fake
I will:
-time manage, but be spontaneous
-try my best, but take it easy
-suck it up, but vent (occasionally)
-think positive, but realistic
-make time for creativity
-work hard but enjoy life
-balance, balance, balance
-believe in second chances
-trust
"Pray for the dead but fight like hell for the living."
-Mother Jones
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Golden Rule
Rule #1: Never EVER EVER date someone in the same dorm hall.
I thought this was the golden rule to college life. Then, why are there five couples already seeing each other in my hall alone? FIVE COUPLESS.
New Proposal perhaps?
YOU MUST IMMEDIATELY DATE SOMEONE, Bonus points if they live in the same wing, MEGA BONUS POINTS if they live in the suite next door.
Cornell social scene really confuses me.
I thought this was the golden rule to college life. Then, why are there five couples already seeing each other in my hall alone? FIVE COUPLESS.
New Proposal perhaps?
YOU MUST IMMEDIATELY DATE SOMEONE, Bonus points if they live in the same wing, MEGA BONUS POINTS if they live in the suite next door.
Cornell social scene really confuses me.
Monday, October 22, 2007
The beginning of a busy week...
Monday:
Finish chem pre-lab and lab report.
Tuesday:
4:30pm - Course Enroll meeting
4:30pm-6pm - Art & Design review session
Finish Stats problem sets.
Wednesday:
4:30pm - Bio & Society meeting
7-8:30pm - Art & Design review session
Human Ecology Ambassador application due date.
Finish Stats lab.
Thursday:
7:30-9pm - Art & Design Prelim
Finish Chemistry problem sets.
Friday:
Family weekend / Halloween weekend!
Saturday:
Into the Streets
2pm - 312 Apartment showing
Sunday:
And... the cycle begins again.
Finish chem pre-lab and lab report.
Tuesday:
4:30pm - Course Enroll meeting
4:30pm-6pm - Art & Design review session
Finish Stats problem sets.
Wednesday:
4:30pm - Bio & Society meeting
7-8:30pm - Art & Design review session
Human Ecology Ambassador application due date.
Finish Stats lab.
Thursday:
7:30-9pm - Art & Design Prelim
Finish Chemistry problem sets.
Friday:
Family weekend / Halloween weekend!
Saturday:
Into the Streets
2pm - 312 Apartment showing
Sunday:
And... the cycle begins again.
Sunday, October 21, 2007
SUNDAY BRUNCH
Yay, Sunday Brunch brunch brunch brunch brunchbrunchbrunch.
My friends and I are going to collegetown today to look at a few apartments... I can't believe I'm already planning for next year's housing..
MUST GO - SUNDAY BRUNCH!
My friends and I are going to collegetown today to look at a few apartments... I can't believe I'm already planning for next year's housing..
MUST GO - SUNDAY BRUNCH!
Thursday, October 18, 2007
another full cycle
College has been pretty tough especially these last few weeks. But I think I'm slowly recovering from this depressing phase.. I'm here and I'm going to make the most of it. I'm going to try my best but also know that you have to make time to enjoy life too. I thought I knew how to do that... but apparently I need another lesson.
Hopefully my whole immune system will catch up with this mind set too. For some reason, my skin - which is usually really well-behaved - has been so dry and weird. I need to be healthier or get more sleep... something!
I think I owe a lot of my attitude change to friends... Whenever I feel really alone and pissed off at life, people surprise me and I feel reallyy thankful. Just yesterday, I was talking about how no one looks out for each other at Cornell and everyone is so self-centered and cutthroat... well, I guess there are exceptions. And when I was feeling really blah and decided to shut myself up in my room, people actually came and tried to talk or cheer me up... really unexpected but nice.
And even though I had work tonight, I made time to go out for dinner (Stella's - I really recommend it) and dessert.
I guess all it really takes is good planning and balance and friends. I hope I can keep up this positive momentum even into stressful times... and I know they're coming... It's a huge cycle and we all hate to admit it. Yet sometimes you just have to wonder... am I finally getting better at life or is life just getting the best out of me?
Hopefully my whole immune system will catch up with this mind set too. For some reason, my skin - which is usually really well-behaved - has been so dry and weird. I need to be healthier or get more sleep... something!
And even though I had work tonight, I made time to go out for dinner (Stella's - I really recommend it) and dessert.
I guess all it really takes is good planning and balance and friends. I hope I can keep up this positive momentum even into stressful times... and I know they're coming... It's a huge cycle and we all hate to admit it. Yet sometimes you just have to wonder... am I finally getting better at life or is life just getting the best out of me?
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
frustrated and depressed and grawr
I feel utterly depressed....But I don't want to write a whole entry describing all the negative experiences I had today, which I usually would do... I feel so lazy and hopeless and BLAH. I don't even feel like venting. This is a rare feeling for me... Maybe, I'll just... write..
This might sound really weird but I keep having dreams about velociraptors - those crazy intelligent, scary dinosaurs that run around like chickens and make sounds like dolphins (basically the animals that would be in control of earth if humans weren't around). So, I tried looking it up but then I realized that "velociraptor" isn't really a popular dream term (figures?). So, I looked up "dinosaur" instead. Here's what I got: "To see a fallen dinosaur in your dream indicates a loss of youth."
Oh, god.
Anyways, where am I going with this? I really have no idea...
Lately, I feel so hopelessly swamped and forgettable and lost in a huge crowd of nobody's. I know, that makes no sense. That was just the first things I thought about. Swamped as in, work and studying. I hate that that's all I write and think and talk about these days. And forgettable, like nothing matters and I don't matter. And lost because I always seem to be so clueless about everything! It's so so frustrating. No matter how hard I try, I feel like I don't know how to do anything. Everyone seems like they know where they're going and I try and try to keep up - just not working out... It's so frustrating. And so depressing. I just feel like I'm sinking in this mess and ...... BLAH I don't even know what I'm talking about. This free-write is going nowhere...
I guess what I really wanna say in this blog entry is.... BLAHHHHHHHH BLAHHHHHHHHHHHHH H A B L AHLHBLHADr poiqeweyuo;iuad ;fohasdfl;hads ;lfhad;lfijad;og hao;gihao;difuasd;o iad;ofja;dlfkjcornellsucks:L AISHD:LAISH:OAI HRO:AIWU RLKHN:ALKSD H:HALISR~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GRRRRRR. I can't think right now. Maybe later...
This might sound really weird but I keep having dreams about velociraptors - those crazy intelligent, scary dinosaurs that run around like chickens and make sounds like dolphins (basically the animals that would be in control of earth if humans weren't around). So, I tried looking it up but then I realized that "velociraptor" isn't really a popular dream term (figures?). So, I looked up "dinosaur" instead. Here's what I got: "To see a fallen dinosaur in your dream indicates a loss of youth."
Oh, god.
Anyways, where am I going with this? I really have no idea...
Lately, I feel so hopelessly swamped and forgettable and lost in a huge crowd of nobody's. I know, that makes no sense. That was just the first things I thought about. Swamped as in, work and studying. I hate that that's all I write and think and talk about these days. And forgettable, like nothing matters and I don't matter. And lost because I always seem to be so clueless about everything! It's so so frustrating. No matter how hard I try, I feel like I don't know how to do anything. Everyone seems like they know where they're going and I try and try to keep up - just not working out... It's so frustrating. And so depressing. I just feel like I'm sinking in this mess and ...... BLAH I don't even know what I'm talking about. This free-write is going nowhere...
I guess what I really wanna say in this blog entry is.... BLAHHHHHHHH BLAHHHHHHHHHHHHH H A B L AHLHBLHADr poiqeweyuo;iuad ;fohasdfl;hads ;lfhad;lfijad;og hao;gihao;difuasd;o iad;ofja;dlfkjcornellsucks:L AISHD:LAISH:OAI HRO:AIWU RLKHN:ALKSD H:HALISR~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GRRRRRR. I can't think right now. Maybe later...
Monday, October 15, 2007
OMG.... LNT!!!
Can I get an amen? Trail Maintenance is over! Last weekend, I was out in the wilderness for a good 24+ hours and in that time, learned that there are some hardcore campers out there...
I've gone camping a few times... in REAL tents, around the campfire.. with marshmallows and a bonfire... and LAWN chairs, under the stars...
That's what I had in mind when I signed up for this class. Surprise, surprise.
This kind of camping is definitely no picnic. First of all, it was cold. We had to build a bridge. Pooping in the wilderness was not fun at all. We strung tarps to trees to sleep under. And sat on rotting logs and cooked on bunsen burner type things.
That was all okay. I can rough it out when necessary. But the one thing I was not prepared for was drinking the water we used to wash our dishes.
"LEAVE NO TRACE." (LNT!!) That means swallowing our toothpaste and drinking our dish washing water, eating all the food and hanging the remainders in a tree so the bears wouldn't get it... this was hardcore nature-lover environmentalist extremism.
People are very nature-y. And it was kinda funny seeing this whole new perspective from a non-hardcore earthy kind of person. I always thought I was an environmentalist- as in, do not ask for plastic bags when grocery shopping and recycling water bottles.. but not like... DRINKING THE WATER I WASHED MY DISHES WITH (without soap of course).
I love the outdoors but I'm sorry, I think the Outdoors is mature enough to take care of itself if we get a bit of toothpaste on a rock... it has been here.. the whole existence of earth.....
Leaving on a positive note, I have a newfound admiration of the genius architecture of plumbing and toilets.
I've gone camping a few times... in REAL tents, around the campfire.. with marshmallows and a bonfire... and LAWN chairs, under the stars...
That's what I had in mind when I signed up for this class. Surprise, surprise.
This kind of camping is definitely no picnic. First of all, it was cold. We had to build a bridge. Pooping in the wilderness was not fun at all. We strung tarps to trees to sleep under. And sat on rotting logs and cooked on bunsen burner type things.
That was all okay. I can rough it out when necessary. But the one thing I was not prepared for was drinking the water we used to wash our dishes.
"LEAVE NO TRACE." (LNT!!) That means swallowing our toothpaste and drinking our dish washing water, eating all the food and hanging the remainders in a tree so the bears wouldn't get it... this was hardcore nature-lover environmentalist extremism.
People are very nature-y. And it was kinda funny seeing this whole new perspective from a non-hardcore earthy kind of person. I always thought I was an environmentalist- as in, do not ask for plastic bags when grocery shopping and recycling water bottles.. but not like... DRINKING THE WATER I WASHED MY DISHES WITH (without soap of course).
I love the outdoors but I'm sorry, I think the Outdoors is mature enough to take care of itself if we get a bit of toothpaste on a rock... it has been here.. the whole existence of earth.....
Leaving on a positive note, I have a newfound admiration of the genius architecture of plumbing and toilets.
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
I Make Lists in My Sleep
Back in Ithaca - it is dark, gloomy, and rainy outside. It hasn't been the best day exactly... I overslept, left the house in a rush (didn't eat my mom's food), made my ride and other friends late, and now I have to deal with all this depressing work again. Work, work, work. Why do I feel like this place has turned me into a robot? I automatically make lists in my head:
-check bursar bills
-clear inboxes
-layout week's schedule
(Since when did I feel so uneasy if I didn't do all this before doing anything else?? It's so sad that the first thing I need to do when I get back to my dorm is NOT shower or unpack... it's turning on my laptop and clearing inboxes.... so depressing...)
Then,
-shower
-unpack
-food
-homework
-check bursar bills
-clear inboxes
-layout week's schedule
(Since when did I feel so uneasy if I didn't do all this before doing anything else?? It's so sad that the first thing I need to do when I get back to my dorm is NOT shower or unpack... it's turning on my laptop and clearing inboxes.... so depressing...)
Then,
-shower
-unpack
-food
-homework
Monday, October 8, 2007
A Recap of Fall Break
I can hardly believe that Fall break is ending already!! Here's a recap...
[Friday night]: A friend who lives in Queens dropped me off in Times Square - so refreshing from the nowhere-ness of Ithaca. Then, I visited a few friends at nyu and had dinner at a Japanese restaurant... woke up next morning and caught the 10:57am Metronorth back to po-town.
Fall in the city...
[Saturday afternoon]: Seeing all the familiar hs places was strangely nostalgic... I caught up with my family who wanted to know everything about my sudden abandonment of pre-med.
I ate ate ate lots of my mom's food. You know, food isn't necessarily better at home.... then, why does it seem to taste a thousand times better here??
[Saturday night]: Turned in early. For once zzzz....
[Sunday morning]: Tradition :) Church service and brunch with the family. Salad, soup, tea, and pumpkin cheesecake <3>
[Sunday afternoon & night]: Shopping w/ mom and later, movie with a friendsss
[Monday afternoon]: I slept in (had a horrible dream about a hybrid shark/stingray though); Spent a late afternoon at Barnes & Nobles.
I splurged on books for my winter Euro trip (Hide This French Phrase Book - Berlitz, The Wine Guide - Williams & Sonoma, Paris 2008 - Fodor's).
[Monday night (now)]: I need to pack, pack, pack and do a little homework... another week ahead!
[Friday night]: A friend who lives in Queens dropped me off in Times Square - so refreshing from the nowhere-ness of Ithaca. Then, I visited a few friends at nyu and had dinner at a Japanese restaurant... woke up next morning and caught the 10:57am Metronorth back to po-town.
Fall in the city... [Saturday afternoon]: Seeing all the familiar hs places was strangely nostalgic... I caught up with my family who wanted to know everything about my sudden abandonment of pre-med.
I ate ate ate lots of my mom's food. You know, food isn't necessarily better at home.... then, why does it seem to taste a thousand times better here??
[Saturday night]: Turned in early. For once zzzz....
[Sunday morning]: Tradition :) Church service and brunch with the family. Salad, soup, tea, and pumpkin cheesecake <3>
[Sunday afternoon & night]: Shopping w/ mom and later, movie with a friendsss
[Monday afternoon]: I slept in (had a horrible dream about a hybrid shark/stingray though); Spent a late afternoon at Barnes & Nobles.
I splurged on books for my winter Euro trip (Hide This French Phrase Book - Berlitz, The Wine Guide - Williams & Sonoma, Paris 2008 - Fodor's).
[Monday night (now)]: I need to pack, pack, pack and do a little homework... another week ahead!
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
Probability
I got a 91 on my first prelim! TAKE THAT STATS.
I always end up getting good grades on subjects I hate. Because I hate them so much, I know I have to study more in order to do well... is that logical?
Later... (At Kroch Library, attempting to study for the Chemistry Prelim)
I checked out the Chem textbook - Why conform to capitalism when you can take advantage of the American public system! Yay for libraries! It's so sad that I memorized the call number. I opened the book to find a neon green post-it note:
"Good luck on the prelim."
Study = No Fail
No Study = Fail
*Therefore Symbol*
(No Study) + (Study) = (No Fail) + (Fail)
Study (No +1) = Fail (No + 1)
Study = Fail
*Sad Face*
Sigh. We are so nerdy.
I always end up getting good grades on subjects I hate. Because I hate them so much, I know I have to study more in order to do well... is that logical?
Later... (At Kroch Library, attempting to study for the Chemistry Prelim)
I checked out the Chem textbook - Why conform to capitalism when you can take advantage of the American public system! Yay for libraries! It's so sad that I memorized the call number. I opened the book to find a neon green post-it note:
"Good luck on the prelim."
Study = No Fail
No Study = Fail
*Therefore Symbol*
(No Study) + (Study) = (No Fail) + (Fail)
Study (No +1) = Fail (No + 1)
Study = Fail
*Sad Face*
Sigh. We are so nerdy.
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
Yoga
I desperately needed to chillax today... soo I took a yoga class! WOW. Now I can see why people become yoga addicts. It's a strenuous work out yet somehow, mind-clearing. And relaxing.... not to mention, IT'S EFFING HILARIOUS. HAAAAA!!
Excuse my rushed paint artwork. HAHA. I mean, thirty so people doing this crazy posture in one room?? I could hardly focus because I was giggling like a bunch of gossiping school girls.
Omg, I couldn't stop laughing.
First of all, the instructor looks like a real hippie chanting, "Doesn't it feel good?" and ".. You're there!" I felt like we were supposed to be getting high or reaching nirvana.
Also, this middle-aged Indian man next to me was making .. inappropriate sounding noises. AND, I was trying to balance like a figure-skater with no arms!
At least I feel peaceful now and can concentrate on some wonderful stats and chem work. Yum.
Excuse my rushed paint artwork. HAHA. I mean, thirty so people doing this crazy posture in one room?? I could hardly focus because I was giggling like a bunch of gossiping school girls.
Omg, I couldn't stop laughing.
First of all, the instructor looks like a real hippie chanting, "Doesn't it feel good?" and ".. You're there!" I felt like we were supposed to be getting high or reaching nirvana.
Also, this middle-aged Indian man next to me was making .. inappropriate sounding noises. AND, I was trying to balance like a figure-skater with no arms!At least I feel peaceful now and can concentrate on some wonderful stats and chem work. Yum.
Monday, October 1, 2007
Game Plan
The past few days have been a complete blur. And now that hell week has begun, it's only gotten worse...
"What am I doing [writing/verb]?? I should be studying [subject]!" (recent mantra)
I feel like stress levels have run into the danger zone:
-2 prelims this week
-1st major paper due Friday (for my Art class, which means a visit to the museum, too...)
-Chem labs to finish
-Stats homework continues to be confusing... at least something is predictable.
-work
-Planning fall break (great, now even vacations are stressful??)
I have an in-class prelim tomorrow, which shouldn't be too bad except that 1) I'm 100%... unprepared and 2) I have 3 hours of chem lab right before!
On a totally different note, my shoulders and back are so so sore because I was carrying lumber and shattering stones with a sledgehammer for the whole day on Sunday. I ended up having to take the Trail Maintenance P.E. class ( even though I receive absolutely no credit for building bridges on the Finger Lakes trail!)
*Inhale/Exhale. Let us take a moment to regroup.*
Despite all this crap, I'm really trying to make the most of my time. Maybe things DO, in fact, happen for a reason.
I met some nice people in Trail Maintenance. I was able to get away from the bubble of Cornell for a few days and see how beautiful the Finger Lakes region really is... you don't notice it living on campus. You don't really notice anything, actually. On our way back from our work site, we had this incredible view of Cayuga Lake and I saw Cornell in the distance - it was like this huge city. I can imagine all the brainpower just emanating from the buildings with everyone there studying and working constantly. It's like gears in motion that just keep on going and going and going...
And that's what I'm doing this week. I'm contributing to those never ending rotations by studying (or at least trying to). I've practically been living at the library...
So, it hit me that there will always be the NEXT thing to worry about. Even after prelims are over, we will be stressing and studying for the next thing.
I need to just live my life and stop worrying. Even if it means that I will not score as high on a stupid exam or be 0.01% higher than the mean. I'm not going to even think about my to-do list. I have to just enjoy being here. There should be things to look forward to, just as much as things to worry and prepare for. It's got to be a balance.
So, I'm doing things that I like, too. I'm exercising more at the gym, taking time to write, and breathing is always good... About my future, too - I give up. I need to let it go. I'm trusting that I will end up where I'm supposed to. I believe there's a plan for everyone... even me!
So OKAY, week... bring it on.
PS. I should stop checking my email so obsessively.
"What am I doing [writing/verb]?? I should be studying [subject]!" (recent mantra)
I feel like stress levels have run into the danger zone:
-2 prelims this week
-1st major paper due Friday (for my Art class, which means a visit to the museum, too...)
-Chem labs to finish
-Stats homework continues to be confusing... at least something is predictable.
-work
-Planning fall break (great, now even vacations are stressful??)
I have an in-class prelim tomorrow, which shouldn't be too bad except that 1) I'm 100%... unprepared and 2) I have 3 hours of chem lab right before!
On a totally different note, my shoulders and back are so so sore because I was carrying lumber and shattering stones with a sledgehammer for the whole day on Sunday. I ended up having to take the Trail Maintenance P.E. class ( even though I receive absolutely no credit for building bridges on the Finger Lakes trail!)
*Inhale/Exhale. Let us take a moment to regroup.*
Despite all this crap, I'm really trying to make the most of my time. Maybe things DO, in fact, happen for a reason.
I met some nice people in Trail Maintenance. I was able to get away from the bubble of Cornell for a few days and see how beautiful the Finger Lakes region really is... you don't notice it living on campus. You don't really notice anything, actually. On our way back from our work site, we had this incredible view of Cayuga Lake and I saw Cornell in the distance - it was like this huge city. I can imagine all the brainpower just emanating from the buildings with everyone there studying and working constantly. It's like gears in motion that just keep on going and going and going...
And that's what I'm doing this week. I'm contributing to those never ending rotations by studying (or at least trying to). I've practically been living at the library...
So, it hit me that there will always be the NEXT thing to worry about. Even after prelims are over, we will be stressing and studying for the next thing.
I need to just live my life and stop worrying. Even if it means that I will not score as high on a stupid exam or be 0.01% higher than the mean. I'm not going to even think about my to-do list. I have to just enjoy being here. There should be things to look forward to, just as much as things to worry and prepare for. It's got to be a balance.
So, I'm doing things that I like, too. I'm exercising more at the gym, taking time to write, and breathing is always good... About my future, too - I give up. I need to let it go. I'm trusting that I will end up where I'm supposed to. I believe there's a plan for everyone... even me!
So OKAY, week... bring it on.
PS. I should stop checking my email so obsessively.
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Fall, fall, We All Fall Down
I felt like such a college student yesterday. I had three hours of lab and then a quick lunch before major cramming. I crammed at the library until 7:30pm- then, prelim time! Overall, I think I did alright on my exam. But damn that day drained my soul. I don't know how I'm going to survive the rest of this week... or the next.... I can't believe I've been in school for over a month already. Time disappears and I didn't even realize that next week is going to be fall break. We're in FALL. My favorite season :)
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Study Skills
My first prelim exam is coming up on Tuesday... I'M SCARED. I feel so unprepared for my Statistics exam. First of all, I haven't been keeping up with the reading OR understanding the homework. So, I decided to buckle down and get some studying done today.
It seems like everyone has a different way of studying here. But one thing in common: EVERYONE STUDIES SO MUCH. I remember on the first night of classes, people were already in the lounges studying. I felt so lazy. For the first week, I had hardly any assignments and felt utterly depressed because everyone else around me was studying. Well, it's Cornell after all. We study hard.
Oh I had such a typical college experience the other day: We studied at Uris library till 5 in the morning and ordered pizza and wings. Almost crashed there for the night! The libraries are crazy packed all the time. I've been using them quite a lot. I can't study in the dorms. I get distracted by everyone.
But even at the libraries, I get bored so easily. So, I checked out Mann library today. But I couldn't seem to get any studying done. I picked a really quiet spot with hardly any other people. But I felt frozen by the air conditioning and really bored out of my mind.
I finally moved outside - It was a perfect fall day (once again). I went to an outdoor study spot near the Human Ecology building. But the sun was so bright and warm and.... I fell asleep.
OKAY. I finally decided to walk to the Arts quad (I wasted a lot of time moving around) and study at Olin library. Usually, I go to Uris' Harry Potter room but I was getting bored of that. I found a crowded spot with tons of people studying and turned on the ipod.
People usually think you need a quiet, isolated spot for studying but I guess I figured out my ideal study spot- somewhere with a lot of other people studying. When I look up, I can't get distracted because all the other people studying will guilt me back into studying myself. And the loud music will keep me from falling asleep from the boring material I'm reading.
I got a lot of studying done!! WOohoo! Wow, I just wrote an extremely disgusting blog entry... I sound .. like.. a nerd. -.-
It seems like everyone has a different way of studying here. But one thing in common: EVERYONE STUDIES SO MUCH. I remember on the first night of classes, people were already in the lounges studying. I felt so lazy. For the first week, I had hardly any assignments and felt utterly depressed because everyone else around me was studying. Well, it's Cornell after all. We study hard.
Oh I had such a typical college experience the other day: We studied at Uris library till 5 in the morning and ordered pizza and wings. Almost crashed there for the night! The libraries are crazy packed all the time. I've been using them quite a lot. I can't study in the dorms. I get distracted by everyone.
But even at the libraries, I get bored so easily. So, I checked out Mann library today. But I couldn't seem to get any studying done. I picked a really quiet spot with hardly any other people. But I felt frozen by the air conditioning and really bored out of my mind.
I finally moved outside - It was a perfect fall day (once again). I went to an outdoor study spot near the Human Ecology building. But the sun was so bright and warm and.... I fell asleep.
OKAY. I finally decided to walk to the Arts quad (I wasted a lot of time moving around) and study at Olin library. Usually, I go to Uris' Harry Potter room but I was getting bored of that. I found a crowded spot with tons of people studying and turned on the ipod.
People usually think you need a quiet, isolated spot for studying but I guess I figured out my ideal study spot- somewhere with a lot of other people studying. When I look up, I can't get distracted because all the other people studying will guilt me back into studying myself. And the loud music will keep me from falling asleep from the boring material I'm reading.
I got a lot of studying done!! WOohoo! Wow, I just wrote an extremely disgusting blog entry... I sound .. like.. a nerd. -.-
Thursday, September 20, 2007
"But my teeth fell out..."
Things looked better today. I didn't find my Cornell ID but I deactivated my card so no one else can use it and I can still eat at the dining hall with my ghetto voucher slip. I also set up a local, M&T Bank account so I can withdraw cash on campus at the ATM's without paying fees. I was also on top of all my homework and reading since I spent so much time at the library, yesterday. I made it to all my classes on time and actually went to all my classes... I finished my Math Lab extra early... Cheers for being productive!
WOW. I just overheard my hallmates discussing dreams (no, I'm not eavesdropping... I'm doing my art project... eh, procrastinating on my art project since I'm blogging). Amanda just mentioned that if you're teeth fall out in your dreams then it means you're stressed. WOW. A few weeks ago, I woke up to a weirdd dream-- I was walking in the supermarket with my parents when I felt my teeth starting to loosen and fall out. I spat out my teeth and said gummily to my parents, "OMG MY TEETH FELL OUT." But they just glanced nonchalantly and sighed, "So, deal with it."
I remember waking up from my dream because my friend called my cell. Apparently I kept mumbling, "but my teeth fell out." I guess he thought it was real and started freaking out. Oops.
Yo, how metaphorical is that though? Good thing I haven't been having too many more teeth-falling dreams, lately...
WOW. I just overheard my hallmates discussing dreams (no, I'm not eavesdropping... I'm doing my art project... eh, procrastinating on my art project since I'm blogging). Amanda just mentioned that if you're teeth fall out in your dreams then it means you're stressed. WOW. A few weeks ago, I woke up to a weirdd dream-- I was walking in the supermarket with my parents when I felt my teeth starting to loosen and fall out. I spat out my teeth and said gummily to my parents, "OMG MY TEETH FELL OUT." But they just glanced nonchalantly and sighed, "So, deal with it."
I remember waking up from my dream because my friend called my cell. Apparently I kept mumbling, "but my teeth fell out." I guess he thought it was real and started freaking out. Oops.
Yo, how metaphorical is that though? Good thing I haven't been having too many more teeth-falling dreams, lately...
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
One of Those Days
Today, I...
-Woke up, exhausted and panicked after checking my alarm clock (damn, alarm clocks!). I was 40 minutes late to the service center.
-Realized I forgot to finish my Stats homework and wrote down random answers while getting kids' stupid packages. At the same time, my co-worker kept bothering me for answers on the chemistry assignments (finding molar masses really isn't that difficult...).
-Starved.
-Was late to Stats class... again. I really hate when people stare.
-Found out I have to complete another phys ed class, "Trail Maintenance." because I forgot about the drop deadline. So, I either take the class or pay $195 to drop it. Hm, when did I decide it would be fun to clean up trails? And when did universities decide to charge you for everything... soon, the air we breathe on campus will have a price.
-Realized I might have to miss my Campus Crusade retreat this weekend because I'm signed up to clean up trails.
-Lost my Cornell ID card. somewhere. I just went from 1 meal a day.. to 0 meals a day! Yay!
-Studied for five and a half hours at the library.
-Felt like I accomplished nothing in the day that God gave to me.
Whats going to happen tomorrow? I guess, I'm just feeling very dejected at the moment. Maybe, it's best just to say that everyone has one of these days. Maybe, I'm too hard on myself sometimes... I set high expectations for Cornell and myself. So, it's so discouraging when I can never seem to do anything right.
Actually, I did one thing right today: I visited my academic adviser. She's so sweet. I asked her some questions on entering the Education field. I think I'm going to pursue a minor in General Education from Cals and switch my major to Fiber Science and Apparel Design.
One thing that makes me happy... I think I will be doing a lot of traveling this year. Five weeks in Malaysia really made me discover many things... I'm looking forward to the winter in Europe. Model U.N. will really allow me to see the other Ivy League schools and there's a conference in Montreal this year. Spring Break, I would really love to go to Nicaragua (explain some other time...) and during the summer, trying to get this job in Maine as part of some summer program for Minorities. Yes- I'm an overachiever. Woohoo!
While I'm still here... Pictures from the bike ride to Cornell Plantations last Sunday:
Kevin and his bike-- he's the dude I'm traveling to Europe with during winter break.
-Woke up, exhausted and panicked after checking my alarm clock (damn, alarm clocks!). I was 40 minutes late to the service center.
-Realized I forgot to finish my Stats homework and wrote down random answers while getting kids' stupid packages. At the same time, my co-worker kept bothering me for answers on the chemistry assignments (finding molar masses really isn't that difficult...).
-Starved.
-Was late to Stats class... again. I really hate when people stare.
-Found out I have to complete another phys ed class, "Trail Maintenance." because I forgot about the drop deadline. So, I either take the class or pay $195 to drop it. Hm, when did I decide it would be fun to clean up trails? And when did universities decide to charge you for everything... soon, the air we breathe on campus will have a price.
-Realized I might have to miss my Campus Crusade retreat this weekend because I'm signed up to clean up trails.
-Lost my Cornell ID card. somewhere. I just went from 1 meal a day.. to 0 meals a day! Yay!
-Studied for five and a half hours at the library.
-Felt like I accomplished nothing in the day that God gave to me.
Whats going to happen tomorrow? I guess, I'm just feeling very dejected at the moment. Maybe, it's best just to say that everyone has one of these days. Maybe, I'm too hard on myself sometimes... I set high expectations for Cornell and myself. So, it's so discouraging when I can never seem to do anything right.
Actually, I did one thing right today: I visited my academic adviser. She's so sweet. I asked her some questions on entering the Education field. I think I'm going to pursue a minor in General Education from Cals and switch my major to Fiber Science and Apparel Design.
One thing that makes me happy... I think I will be doing a lot of traveling this year. Five weeks in Malaysia really made me discover many things... I'm looking forward to the winter in Europe. Model U.N. will really allow me to see the other Ivy League schools and there's a conference in Montreal this year. Spring Break, I would really love to go to Nicaragua (explain some other time...) and during the summer, trying to get this job in Maine as part of some summer program for Minorities. Yes- I'm an overachiever. Woohoo!
While I'm still here... Pictures from the bike ride to Cornell Plantations last Sunday:
Kevin and his bike-- he's the dude I'm traveling to Europe with during winter break.
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Go Big Red!
Last night, I went to see my friend cheer at the Cornell vs. Bucknell football game. It was my first college sports event...
I basically came from a high school that had almost no school pride in sports (except soccer). We actually lost our homecoming football game. Any form of school pride only came out during academic events (i.e. science olympiad. 2nd in the state!)..... and getting into prestigious universities.
So, going to such a game and seeing the mass of red and white fans was so new to me. I actually felt kind of..... proud to be a Cornellian? HMM. Interesting!
Everyone was cheering. Students stood, not sat. My friend was an adorable cheerleader... She threw me a souvenir football meant for crowd pleasers and I actually caught it!! It's on my desk now along with other random souvenirs since coming here.
Oh yeah, we also won the game.
After a long night, I woke up today for Sunday brunch (my favorite part of the week) and went for an Autumn bike ride with a friend to the plantations - beautiful day.
I think for the rest of today, I will take it easy... probably pay a visit to the dear library. I have my first prelim exam coming up for Statistics... AIYA.
Saturday, September 15, 2007
Newness in Season
Today really feels like Autumn... which puts me in a good mood. Fall is my favorite season. I feel like something new is happening. Summer weather can become monotonous and lazy. There's something about waking up and experiencing blue skies, fresh chilly weather, crunching leaves... it's so invigorating! Maybe 'cause I was born in a snowstorm, so I love cold weather and warm clothes, hot drinks, and red foliage.
I went sailing yesterday. I was so close to missing the bus. I ended up sprinting (in heels) from end of central campus to the edge of North. But so worth it. I think I'm beginning to like college.
I went sailing yesterday. I was so close to missing the bus. I ended up sprinting (in heels) from end of central campus to the edge of North. But so worth it. I think I'm beginning to like college.
Friday, September 14, 2007
Stephen Colbert Round II
Tickets for the Colbert show sold out in one hour. But word on the street is he's giving a second show and more tickets are going on sale Monday 9am. Note to self: WAKE UP. BUY TICKETS. KEEP ONE. SELL OTHERS ON EBAY. I saw the other tickets on ebay going up to almost $250 a pop.
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
A Long-Awaited Epiphany!
The most exciting thing happened to me today. I was sitting in Stats class, trying to understand Prof Huang, when suddenly I knew exactly what to do with my life. Usually, these kinds of epiphany do not last long-- like a flash, and then they're gone. And I'm just as lost as I was before. BUT, this time... I knew what I was going to do and it stayed with me throughout the day.
Okay, so here's the plan. I ditch pre-med and instead study WHATEVER I WANT. Isn't that an idea? Hm.. I don't think I'm going to do anything as drastic as change colleges but I can definitely see myself in a more provoking major. BUT OKAY. I'm not so stupid and reckless... I know I will basically waste $100k if I just study whatever I want and come out with a useless degree (although, Cornell degrees are hardly useless...). SO listen to this... I can study whatever I want AND (here's where I get more realistic) I ENTER THE EDUCATION FIELD.
I've wanted to be a teacher for longer than I've wanted to go into Medicine but I remember what made me totally forget about this career plan. It was when I had to shadow a 3rd grade teacher for the day and the kids were so annoying. But now I realize-- I'm not meant to be an elementary school teacher... I CAN DO SECONDARY SCHOOL... or maybe even university level!! Am I getting too excited?
Okay, so here's what's next. I can study anything I want and not feel guilty! Because I will enter the Education sphere and teach! It's like a win-win-win-win situation. I can continue learning languages, then I can travel- because I can go abroad to somewhere like.. Mongolia or Argentina- and teach English!! And then I can get long holidays, and teacher's benefits, and keep writing and learning and write my travel expenses off my income taxes because it's for the benefit of education!!! I'M A GENIUS I TELL YOU.
ISN'T THIS THE BEST EPIPHANY EVER. And also, I can go to Columbia!! They have an excellent Teacher's College! I will be able to live in New York City... maybe I can work freelance in Journalism! I'M SO EXCITEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD.
I was near passing out today from exhaustion... but I still skipped up the hill to North Campus, listening to my Ipod.. and actually feeling like I'm going somewhere!!
And also.. I'm going to Europe on Winter Break!!!!
AND ALSO.. my hallmates are coming with me!!!!!!!! *Swoons*
Okay, so here's the plan. I ditch pre-med and instead study WHATEVER I WANT. Isn't that an idea? Hm.. I don't think I'm going to do anything as drastic as change colleges but I can definitely see myself in a more provoking major. BUT OKAY. I'm not so stupid and reckless... I know I will basically waste $100k if I just study whatever I want and come out with a useless degree (although, Cornell degrees are hardly useless...). SO listen to this... I can study whatever I want AND (here's where I get more realistic) I ENTER THE EDUCATION FIELD.
I've wanted to be a teacher for longer than I've wanted to go into Medicine but I remember what made me totally forget about this career plan. It was when I had to shadow a 3rd grade teacher for the day and the kids were so annoying. But now I realize-- I'm not meant to be an elementary school teacher... I CAN DO SECONDARY SCHOOL... or maybe even university level!! Am I getting too excited?
Okay, so here's what's next. I can study anything I want and not feel guilty! Because I will enter the Education sphere and teach! It's like a win-win-win-win situation. I can continue learning languages, then I can travel- because I can go abroad to somewhere like.. Mongolia or Argentina- and teach English!! And then I can get long holidays, and teacher's benefits, and keep writing and learning and write my travel expenses off my income taxes because it's for the benefit of education!!! I'M A GENIUS I TELL YOU.
ISN'T THIS THE BEST EPIPHANY EVER. And also, I can go to Columbia!! They have an excellent Teacher's College! I will be able to live in New York City... maybe I can work freelance in Journalism! I'M SO EXCITEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD.
I was near passing out today from exhaustion... but I still skipped up the hill to North Campus, listening to my Ipod.. and actually feeling like I'm going somewhere!!
And also.. I'm going to Europe on Winter Break!!!!
AND ALSO.. my hallmates are coming with me!!!!!!!! *Swoons*
Monday, September 10, 2007
Sunday, September 9, 2007
A Rainy Day in Ithaca
"We didn't go to Harvard-- no we're not complaining but it's always raining.
So, we go to Cornell-- it's in the middle of nowhere but we really don't care..."
-Cayuga's Waiters (Acapella group)
I guess the storm decided to stay for Sunday brunch. I woke up and saw this outside my window... and then snuggled deeper into my blankets. Cozy, rainy, day...
Today's schedule: church, Sunday brunch, shopping, homework, and going for training at Appel (I'm checking out a job position at the mail room).
Yesterday, my friend celebrated his 19th birthday. I had to take a bus to the commons for training at the Daily Sun. So, I just hung around there until 5 and bought some birthday gifts. Ithaca Commons is a ridiculously cute place -- reminds me of Hudson Valley's Rhinebeck -- little shops, music performances, cafes, bookstores, antique stores. It's all very quaint... I was thinking, "This is what Ithaca is about... not the North campus dorms, or impressive buildings for classes, collegetown, frats, or Target..."
What does suck about Ithaca is the transportation. Stupid bus system is damn confusing. I took the bus to go back for the birthday dinner and somehow ended up driving through cow meadows. Not as funny as it sounds...
Finally, I found my way back to Collegetown and joined friends for dinner at Aladin's (very nice Mediterranean food) and desert at Cafe Pacific (an Asian desert place). It was a nice night... except for the storming. I think my friend had a good night : )
Now, I wonder what my first college birthday will be like...
Friday, September 7, 2007
Monday, September 3, 2007
Solution to Alarm Clock Problem
Caffeine!
I got three cups now.
My pink Shakespeare cup for white people tea, my indigo mug for coffee and hot cocoa, and my dragon teacup for asian people tea. Mmmm..
And of course soon, I will look at the clock and be like, "WHA- I HAVE TWO MINS TO GET TO MY CHEM/STATS/ART/HUMAN DEVELOPMENT CLASS." Grab my thermos (friend gave it to me) for coffee to go! Essential for tiring mornings...
Professor Huang
My statistics professor reminds me a bit of my father... is that creepy or cute?
He has an interesting habit or gazing off into the distance and talking about absolutely random topics. I don't think he means to be funny-- He just has an oblivious, curious way.
The first day he asked us why we should study statistics. Nobody answered. "Well, what if you go to a party and someone asks you what is statistics. You want to be prepared." We started laughing but I think he was serious.
Then, he also gave us an example of a study case about lost wallets. Then, he mentioned that he might have lost his wallet and looked utterly distressed, staring at the ground for a few minutes while patting his pockets.
Then, his cellphone went off. And he looked so confused. He answered it, in front of the class, and said reallyy loudly like the other person was halfway around the world, "I'M SORRY BUT I REALLY CANNOT TALK RIGHT NOW....... NO. NO... I CANNOT TALK-- PLEASE, I'M TEACHING CLASS NOW.... YES... NO... RIGHT NOW.. YES I'M TEACHING NOW... OK CALL U LATER."
I swear, sometimes I think I'm only staying in this class just because of him. He is the funniest professor I have.
The book even reminds me of him. So off tangent sometimes, making it difficult to concentrate when it's almost 1 in the morning.
"Shoppers receive cards that determine how large a discount they get, but the percentage is revealed by scratching off that black stuff (what IS that stuff?)..."
He has an interesting habit or gazing off into the distance and talking about absolutely random topics. I don't think he means to be funny-- He just has an oblivious, curious way.
The first day he asked us why we should study statistics. Nobody answered. "Well, what if you go to a party and someone asks you what is statistics. You want to be prepared." We started laughing but I think he was serious.
Then, he also gave us an example of a study case about lost wallets. Then, he mentioned that he might have lost his wallet and looked utterly distressed, staring at the ground for a few minutes while patting his pockets.
Then, his cellphone went off. And he looked so confused. He answered it, in front of the class, and said reallyy loudly like the other person was halfway around the world, "I'M SORRY BUT I REALLY CANNOT TALK RIGHT NOW....... NO. NO... I CANNOT TALK-- PLEASE, I'M TEACHING CLASS NOW.... YES... NO... RIGHT NOW.. YES I'M TEACHING NOW... OK CALL U LATER."
I swear, sometimes I think I'm only staying in this class just because of him. He is the funniest professor I have.
The book even reminds me of him. So off tangent sometimes, making it difficult to concentrate when it's almost 1 in the morning.
"Shoppers receive cards that determine how large a discount they get, but the percentage is revealed by scratching off that black stuff (what IS that stuff?)..."
Sunday, September 2, 2007
STUPID ALARM CLOCKS DON'T WORK
I know I'm sick and I shouldn't be out anyways... but I am downright pissed at myself! I overslept and now I am not canoeing happily to the Farmer's Market. My hallmates just asked my friend who was moaning. That would be me. Because even though I set three alarm clocks, I heard nothing! Until I woke up and stared at my clock and voila, started cursing quite a bit.
Yes, may be weird of me to get upset over something as trivial as canoeing. But I was looking forward to it! I joined the Outing Club a week ago and it's been great. Where else can you go kayaking right after your 4pm class?
I must wake up earlier... Off to make some tea and mope and buy new alarm clocks.
Yes, may be weird of me to get upset over something as trivial as canoeing. But I was looking forward to it! I joined the Outing Club a week ago and it's been great. Where else can you go kayaking right after your 4pm class?
I must wake up earlier... Off to make some tea and mope and buy new alarm clocks.